Forgiving From the Heart

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Late-night blog …

One thing I’m pretty embarrassed about is how long it’s taken me to really get over things from the past. It has taken me until this year–really, the last couple of months–to do some major heart-forgiveness over things that happened in high school. I feel kind of pathetic over the whole thing. It makes me wonder how many times God has wanted to beat me over the head, reminding me how He constantly forgives me for my stupidity. I know He forgives me.

source: wiredfornoise

But I have an incredibly hard time forgiving myself for my own stupidity. I just can’t believe there were still things from high school that, when I thought about them, made me so angry I wanted to throw things at the wall. (Of course I didn’t, because we live in a nice new condo!) I think it’s a girl thing to be able to conjure up an image or event and still feel those emotions so thoroughly. It is such a relief now to know I’ve forgiven someone truly in my heart, that I can think on them without feeling nauseous. And that includes the high-school picture of myself!

I guess visiting with my sister-in-law, who’s 17, brought a lot of this up. She seems so content with being who she is and it makes me remember how incredibly uncomfortable I was with myself. I thought I was big as a house (looking at pictures–not so!). Boring as dirt. Ugly as sin. I had such bad social anxiety I immediately thought everyone hated me unless it was proven otherwise. And I acted that way! It all had the reverse effect that I made few friends and was told numerous times people just thought I was snobby when in fact I was just scared to death of them! I am so glad Sharon is sure of herself and will go to college proud of herself and her accomplishments! It was such a blessing to see her that way. 🙂

I am also not proud of my addiction to Makeover Madness on pogo games which is why I am up at 12:29 AM. Guess it’s off to bed!

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