This post may contain affiliate links. Please see my Disclosure statement for more details.
I just came across this blog while I was commenting on another blog I like–I jumped there from the author’s comment. And wow. I am blown away. Probably the best writing I have seen on a blog in ages and a fascinating story. From someone who’s not afraid to admit she was dead wrong about God and He saved her. Please go visit Conversion Diary at that first link.
My Tuesday-night Bible study just consists of me and two other women for now. I am fine with it that way and I love both of these girls fiercely! One of the women, T, was an atheist until about two years ago. We met in another Bible study where she made a confession of faith although she’d already had her up close and personal encounter with God. Last night we were talking about trusting God, and T wanted to know if we (me and A, who have grown up Christians) truly trusted God, and what did it look like.
I think I trust God! Really, I do. How I explained it to T is: how do we come to trust someone on earth? We trust them with little things first. Will she keep a secret? Will she be there if I need her? Then things progress from there. As much as I believe God has a plan for me and is my Protector, I often find myself doing things that don’t exhibit true trust in Him. I start worrying and wringing my grubby little hands as I take back the things I’ve offered to Him.
Sometimes I think this is most evident in my extraordinary fear that I will have another car accident, one worse than the last and where I will be seriously injured or killed. I am not scared of dying, but I am scared of severe pain. Half of the time when I am driving I picture what could happen–someone running a stop sign, stupidly changing lanes, even passing out (again!). I seem completely unable to trust in this situation. I don’t trust any other drivers, and I don’t trust God’s protection. Over my life, my work, my child, yes. Over driving, no.
I do desire that complete trust, complete surrender to God. And the closer I am to Him, the more in-depth Bible study and prayer I am involved in, the more I inch toward that goal.
But I am not there.
T is a very all-or-nothing person, and I think she struggles with how that works with faith. I wish I were wiser and could explain better! I only know that trust comes with time and maturity in the faith.
Don’t hide Your face from me,
or I will be like those
going down to the Pit.
Let me experience
Your faithful love in the morning,
for I trust in You.
Reveal to me the way I should go,
because I long for You.
Rescue me from my enemies, LORD;
I come to You for protection.
Teach me to do Your will,
for You are my God.
May Your gracious Spirit
lead me on level ground.
Psalm 143:7-10, HCSB