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Well, I sat there and looked at those words for several minutes. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here, but I go back to work on Monday. I’m not even sure what to write about it. In many ways, I think it might be a good thing for me to go back. I get very antsy here when it’s just me and the baby. I’m not suited to sit around and watch TV and be online all the time. I think when the baby is older and can play it might be different, but I just get insanely restless being at home a lot. I am looking forward to going back because I do love my job and I like the people I work with and look forward to hanging out with them again.
On the other hand, I just can’t stand the thought of not being with my baby whenever I want. Right now she is quite asleep on my chest, the sweet smell of Johnson’s Bedtime Bath wafting from her head. It’s so precious to be there to see every smile and coo. I can’t stand the thought of not being there the first time she rolls over or talks or laughs.
Right now I just don’t have a choice to stay home, although I am hoping in the future it will be an option. I’d really like to find paying opportunities for writing and editing at home, and I’m hoping being a freelancer will work out for me. But for right now, it’s what I have to do. Luckily Libbie is in a daycare one block from my office where I can go over and nurse her at lunchtime.
But I still hate it.