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I’m sitting on my kitchen floor, trying not to cry. How can there be dishes in the sink when I washed them all this morning? I ran a teabag through the dishwasher. Wonder if everything will taste like hot rooibos tea now.

I’m feeding Libbie half a hamburger bun and trying not to think about how it probably has high fructose corn syrup in it because at least she has stopped crying for five minutes. For the past two hours she’s only ceased her fit when food is finding its way to her mouth.

She’s getting crumbs on my just-mopped floor. I’m running out of bread. I’m running out of patience. I’m wondering why, if that corn syrup stuff is so bad, our pediatrican told us to give her Karo syrup for constipation? Should I know better than a pediatrician? Everything’s a jumble. Everything’s a paradox.


Our pastor told us this morning about being in Kenya for the last few weeks. The unemployment rate there is 50-60%, he says. What stuck with him was the men just sitting there, staring into the void. They have no job, no purpose except to survive from day to day. Life expectancy is 47.

Why do I have to be worried over? What do I have to lament? Why do I break down crying when my healthy, well-fed daughter just wants to be whiny?

I feel indulgent in my wallowing.

4 thoughts on “Indulgence

  1. IMO, it's 100% ok to wallow! Hugs for you, though.

    BTW, tried the Karo syrup thing many times w/ Wog– didn't work for him. But it's been around so long that I'm sure it's worked for someone! 🙂

  2. I'm right there with you. At least your floor was mopped as you wallowed in your tears. I just start to cry more because mine still needs mopped.

    Hang in there. . .and as always, I appreciate you sharing with others (like me). That way we are not alone.

  3. I can totally relate! We are struggling financially right now and sometimes I can get down about it. But then I also realize, I don't truly know what it is to struggle financially. In many other countries, they may be lucky to get one or two meals a day. And something that definitely wouldn't be appetizing to me. Sometimes not having clean water or a roof over their heads. I think we'll all have those days where we get down about our circumstances. Some of us more that others. But it's good if we can keep that perspective of knowing that are others far worse off than ourselves and to try to count ourselves blessed even when we may not feel it.
    God bless,

  4. Oh, my friend, I am sending you a HUG through my computer screen right now!!

    I know what you mean. I've worked for two health charities, where my every day involved patients with fatal diseases. It helped me keep perspective, that was for sure. (Not all the time – I'm only human!) But it helped me see the positive side more than I might have without it.

    But you know what? Sometimes you just have a bad day. And while it might not be a bad day for someone else in another situation…it's still a bad day for you!

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