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I miss my husband. I miss real life, life before I had to leave for house showings, cook for one, and pretend I can do it all for other people’s sake.
Should I be stronger, tougher than this? Should I suck it up, knowing I have it better than many. Should we rent? Keep waiting?
Accidentally set the house on fire and hope for a good insurance claim? (REALLY KIDDING.)
I don’t know. Only God knows. This past week I feel that I’ve not done much except seek His guidance on what to do next. No clear answers fill the night sky. I wait.
I’m sort of looking for a job without really wanting one. The practical thing, of course. Who can even find a job in this economy? And yet two days after I Tweeted, “I’m thinking about looking for a job in Chattanooga,” I was scheduled for an interview. Nuts. Or God?
Things are spinning. I need to lose weight. When would I go to the gym? When should we have another baby? I need to lose weight first. And hey, where’s that Halloween candy? I have all the five minuteses to myself that I need at night, but I can’t get done what I need to do. I even started playing Farmville. Another speck of precious time sucked into the vortex.
And in my head plays the tune, “‘Tis the gift to be simple. ‘Tis the gift to be free.“
Simplicity. It haunts me, lures me, dances around me, but I can’t catch it.
I breathe a prayer. It’s all I can do.
Photo from stock.xchng user eschu1952.