The Tale of the Breaking Point

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Well, this is it. I’ve reached the breaking point. I’ve taken a swan dive off the tippy-top of the cliff and am definitely in over my head.

I miss my husband. I miss real life, life before I had to leave for house showings, cook for one, and pretend I can do it all for other people’s sake.

Should I be stronger, tougher than this? Should I suck it up, knowing I have it better than many. Should we rent? Keep waiting? Accidentally set the house on fire and hope for a good insurance claim? (REALLY KIDDING.)

I don’t know. Only God knows. This past week I feel that I’ve not done much except seek His guidance on what to do next. No clear answers fill the night sky. I wait.

I’m sort of looking for a job without really wanting one. The practical thing, of course. Who can even find a job in this economy? And yet two days after I Tweeted, “I’m thinking about looking for a job in Chattanooga,” I was scheduled for an interview. Nuts. Or God?

Things are spinning. I need to lose weight. When would I go to the gym? When should we have another baby? I need to lose weight first. And hey, where’s that Halloween candy? I have all the five minuteses to myself that I need at night, but I can’t get done what I need to do. I even started playing Farmville. Another speck of precious time sucked into the vortex.

And in my head plays the tune, “‘Tis the gift to be simple. ‘Tis the gift to be free.

Simplicity. It haunts me, lures me, dances around me, but I can’t catch it.

I breathe a prayer. It’s all I can do.

Photo from stock.xchng user eschu1952.

6 thoughts on “The Tale of the Breaking Point

  1. Oh Jessie!! Although I don't know exactly those same feelings, I hate that feeling of limbo & in between!! And being separated on top of all that is just not right!! Praying for you in this tough time!! ((HUGS))

  2. My prayers are with you. I've been in that place to…too many times to count. Always…God is there and blesses me in the waiting.

    As our jobs were changing to more sales, I started praying that God would give me the heart for sales or open new doors. He opened new doors less than a week later…I had to be brave enough to step through and today..I start my position on the care team.

    Also joined weight watchers…so I know how you feel and there is still all this candy in the house and we don't even do the halloween thing.

  3. Jessie,
    I hope you get your answer soon in everything. I am sorry that you're having to be apart so much. I know that would be very hard. *big hugs*
    God bless,

  4. ugh. i know this time must be so hard. try to remember it's just a moment in your life, and is not YOUR LIFE.

    i know that's easier said than done, and when i'm wrecked with hormones believe that i'm repeating the same thing to myself!

  5. Can you send a hug through the internet? Because if so, consider yourself hugged all over. I'm praying for you…

  6. Jes, I hear you loud and clear and waiting in THE HARDEST. Hugs and more hugs.
    But FARMVILLE? Come on, now… 😉

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