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I’m doing this Bible study on Esther. (The same one I had this personal dilemma about a year ago. And then went for two weeks, realized the group wasn’t talking about it, just watching the video, and stopped going.) Tonight the Holy Spirit slapped me in the face while I was studying, and I knew I needed to share it with you.
I went out by myself tonight to go to CVS and found myself in the Krystal drive-through, coerced by a tummy that still felt hungry and the excuse, “I’ve already flopped today, why not?”
That is the worst excuse in the book. I am ashamed. And the milkshake I got wasn’t even good–the ultimate punishment.
Chocolate slush still settling unhappily in my stomach, I sat down and started to read Beth Moore’s words about Mordecai refusing to bow to Haman. She eventually got to both Mordecai and Joseph (the Genesis Joseph) being pursued by temptation day after day after day. And yet, Beth writes, “Each responded out of his mind-set rather than his mood.”
The last few paragraphs of the day boiled in my heart until they spilled out on the page into a fervent prayer.
If I had agreed with Your lessons to not be gluttonous as I have agreed with You on not having premarital sex, not cursing, not getting drunk … wouldn’t I follow through like I did on those? The temptation of food is stronger for me only because I have not fully agreed with You against gluttony.
My heart is heavy with sin. I cannot piecemeal what I want from the Bible. But God is good, and He forgives. After I finished Esther, I just flipped open the Bible and read in Isaiah:
Your anger has turned away,
and You have had compassion on me.
Indeed, God is my salvation.
I will trust Him and not be afraid.
Because Yah, the LORD,
is my strength and my song,
He has become my salvation.
Isaiah 12:1-2, HCSB
Amen and amen. I’m traveling into this week with a brand-new mindset. One that I want to be stronger than my mood.
How did you do this week? Link up your post at Giving Up on Perfect, and don’t forget to visit Ashleigh at Heart and Home, too! If you have no clue what I’m talking about, read about the Losing It competition here.
I feel that I need to add, I don’t think having a milkshake is a sin. It was this time for me, because I KNEW that I shouldn’t. For you, it may be buying a fourth pair of black heels or spending 10 more minutes on Twitter. When you feel guilty about something like this, it’s a good idea to step back and see if you’re agreeing with God on this topic in your life.
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