Losing It: Week 7

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I’m always hesitant to say that I’ve dealt with infertility.

It seems shallow and disrespectful of those who struggled for many years, or still are unable to conceive. I have friends who’ve had miscarriages, those who have conceived through IVF, IUI, and even embryo adoption. I’m a little embarrassed to share my story because my struggle seems so insignificant compared to most. But today it’s what’s rattling around in my brain, so I just need to go with it.

It took us six months to conceive Libbie. I haven’t had a miscarriage, we had no complications with my pregnancy, and she was a healthy 7 1/2 pound baby girl. All sounds great, right? Well, except that it seems like the minute we decided to go ahead and try to conceive, my cycles stopped altogether.

When I stopped taking the Pill in March 2007 (wanting to get it way out of my system before we TTC), my cycles got very confused. They were always long, before I was on the Pill, but now they were five weeks … then six weeks … then seven weeks … then not at all. I didn’t have a period for 4 months of the 6 months we were TTC and I really had no idea what was going on.

Any of you who have tried to make a baby know that it possesses your mind. Despite the fact that I was only 25 and not terribly worried about *never* getting pregnant, it still seemed like all I could think about was my failure to conceive, month after month. Slowly I heard of one cousin who was pregnant … then another … then another. Two of these were cousins the closest to me in age, who had both gotten married within 8 months of me. I was happy for them. But I was torn up for me.

Somewhere along the way, my sister got tested for PCOS, which I had never even heard of before. She lent me a book to read. Quickly I got into an OB-GYN to be tested (the tests are ridiculous–they pretty much just guess at the diagnosis). Over Christmas that year, the office called me and said I didn’t have PCOS. I was so upset and confused. Then, when I called them back, they said I did. ??? Don’t you love doctors?

So in January of 2008, I started the drug Metformin in a very high dosage to make me ovulate. They gave me a hormone to make my cycle start. I felt like a big petri dish of drugs and upset stomach. I lost a little weight because the Metformin made me so sick. And although it was on Day 21, I DID ovulate.

And we conceived a baby.


 [I really am going somewhere with this and you’ll have to trust me that it relates to the Losing It challenge! But this will be 4 billion words if I keep going, so you’ll have to wait ’til next week to read the rest!]

How did you do this week? Link up your post at Giving Up on Perfect, and don’t forget to visit Ashleigh at Heart and Home, too! If you have no clue what I’m talking about, read about the Losing It competition here.


6 thoughts on “Losing It: Week 7

  1. I don't think your struggle is insignificant at all. You've seen my tweets about trying to conceive a 3rd. I don't know if you've read my whole story or not but it' son my blog under the TTC/Fertility and Secondary infertility tags. I too struggle with feeling like a "fraud" b/c I have two girls. But it did take me almost 2 years with my first. A year of unprotected sex with my second and now going on 21 months with trying for #3. No matter where you are in your journey it still hurts. My heart does especially go out to women who are still struggling with their first.
    You've probably also seen my tweets about my fertility support blog. You should stop by! It's brand new and going through a name change. I also haven't posted very much yet am hoping to get some guest posters.

    I'm hoping the rest of this story is leading up to you saying your preggers ;o)

    I want more story!!!

  2. No struggle with infertility is insignificant! Whether it takes a few months or years and year, it does possess your entire being. To desire something that seems to to come so easy for others is heartbreaking, regardless of how long you struggle.

    There is no competition in infertility realms. We all feel the same pain and same struggles. There really is a tremendous amount of support out there for all aspects of IF. And honest happiness for our fellow IFers who overcome IF, no matter how long we or they struggle!

    It took us two years and 3 IVFs before we had our twins. During that time, I was honestly thrilled when I saw others who struggled finally conceive.

    I will wait anxiously for the rest of the story!

  3. Infertility is such a difficult topic to talk about and you should never feel bad about sharing your story in light of others challenges. It is just that, YOUR story, and it is a relevant part of your life and who you are. We are in the middle of a battle with secondary infertility as well–going on 8 years now. I'm still hopeful. Looking forward to reading the rest of your story next week. Blessings! Julie

  4. Oh, I look forward to reading the rest of your story! Everyone's story with infertility is different…those feelings of hope and loss and frustration and hopelessness can be such a private struggle…until we reach out and share with others who have experienced those same feelings. I'm like you–I struggle sharing my story sometimes, because we do have 2 beautiful daughters. But, those daughters came after several years (and 1,000 pregnancy tests!) and lots of dr. visits.

    Metformin sure helped me conceive and carry our 2nd daughter to term! However, I can't take it anymore–it just makes me too, too sick.

  5. Ummm…what? I have to WAIT to hear the rest? Hmph. 🙂

    Your story is absolutely significant. I don't know how you feel, but I have several friends and family who've gone through struggles getting and staying pregnant. I'm so glad for you that you had Libbie!!

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