Just Write.

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Libbie is on the couch, a barely touched graham cracker in her hand. For two nights in a row, she’s spiked a fever right at bedtime. The first night she slept in her bed, our bed, the loveseat. Last night with me in the big bed. Mr. V assigned to the couch.

David slept for 12 hours, but I woke many times to re-cover my sickie, push back her sweaty hair.

Sweat-soaked in yellow footed pajamas, she asked to be rocked at 10 pm last night. Rocked. My almost-three-year-old. I rocked.

David woke this morning to suck greedily on a breast that can’t seem to stop getting clogged ducts. Pain. The nurse at the doctor thinks I want permission to stop nursing, but I just want relief. I want to know why I appear to be the only woman in the world who has no problems breastfeeding at first but lots of problems starting around eight months.

His teeth are little razorblades; and while I am grateful he hasn’t bit the breast that feeds him, he has taken a good gnaw at my chin. Four little teeth with two more coming in. He looks like a fourth-grader with the growing-in two front teeth of different lengths.

I have piles and piles and piles of boxes and I am too embarrassed about it to call maintenance to come fix our main AC unit, which just growls instead of blows. This morning it’s cool and not bothersome, but our 80-degree days are leaving me sweaty. I still have one more load at the house, but that would involve emptying out the car. And when should I do that, with a baby and a sick little one?

This week is the finish of moving, and a big quick editing job, and unpacking that probably won’t happen.

But I still need to write. So here it is.

{Oh hey! I have two guest posts up today: 10 Burning Questions I Have for PBS/Sprout at Mama Loves Her Shows and Fruity Squash Puree at Once a Month Mom.}
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9 thoughts on “Just Write.

  1. have you tried wearing a cabbage leaf for a nursing pad? Weird but true-it works wonders on clogged ducts!!!
    And nevermind being embarrassed about those boxes-moving with kids threw me for a loop for a good year.
    Hope Libbie feels better soon!!

  2. Yes, you still need to write. It just IS. And I'm sorry about the clogged ducts and teeth…breastfeeding can really be so hard and there is no shame in wanting relief, my friend.


  3. Ditto what Heather said. Now more than ever you need to write. I also agree that there is no shame in wanting relief from the pain, especially when you are so overwhelmed. Hugs.

  4. Oh my you are BUSY right now, aren't you?

    Sorry about the teeth. And the boxes.

    And, I too, would be too embarrassed to make the phone call. Why is that??

    Hang in there, Mama!

  5. By the end of breastfeeding my son, I had one clogged duct after another (one on the left would clear up, then I'd get one on the right). No advice, just empathy. Hope you all feel better soon!

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