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It’s another day where I feel like I’ve failed in everything.
Clothes don’t fit,
but I eat macaroni and cheese.
Try to stay calm,
but I still snap snap snap. Pull glasses back, point angrily, try to get the lightbulb turned on above her head.
Grump at other cars,
write Better Business Bureau reports in my head
instead of offering forgiveness
and remembering it’s a first world problem.
In the solitary night,
I cling to what I try to imprint
on my babies’ brains.
Today Libbie said to me, “God loves me when I obey Mommy and Daddy.”
“NO.” I am scared of this lesson, this untruth. “God ALWAYS loves you. He LIKES it when you obey. But that doesn’t change His love.”
Does she get it? Do I?