Five Minute Friday: Friendship

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I’ve cried a lot of tears over Chattanooga. Enough that my husband has asked me periodically if I wanted him to try to find a job back in Nashville. I think he’s mostly kidding or at least expects me to say no – although I don’t doubt he would try if I truly wanted to go back.

But my heart hurts for friends. I have lists of excuses. Everyone else here has their whole extended family. Everyone else grew up here. Obviously they don’t need me. They don’t need new friends.

But deep down I always feel like it’s just me. That I’m not good enough.

It took me a lot of years to feel like I had true friends in Nashville, and I miss them. I miss the camaraderie and Chili’s girl’s night out and sharing secrets and hopes and baby wishes and babies formed and born. I miss those new-bride friends, all of us unsure in our roles and making our way in life and marriage.

Finally – FINALLY – the last few weeks I feel like I’m starting to find my place here in this Scenic City. I’ve made a very good friend, one who is broken like me and not scared to admit it, who also happens to have a 4-year-old daughter whom Libbie loves.

I’m connecting more with people – a sweet blogging friend who’s become a close, real friend; some women who also live on this crazy campus. I’m realizing maybe the closest friends won’t be found where I expected to uncover them.

My soul thirsts for friendship and it’s starting to not be quite so parched. I’m refreshed.

STOP.

This week, Lisa-Jo asked for five minutes of writing on “friend” in honor of the (in)courage in real life meet-ups taking place this weekend. I’m excited to go to our local meet-up at Robin‘s house tomorrow!

11 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Friendship

  1. Jessie! So glad things are starting to improve. I remember feeling so terribly alone for a long time while in Pittsburgh. Same sorta things — everyone’s extended family was there, they grew up there, they weren’t really looking for new friends…it was so rough.

    I ended up moving away, and by that point, missing the city and missing several families. I am so thankful it started to turn around!

    And now, I’m still working on making friend-families for us. Back in Pgh, there were several families that I liked the mom, my husband liked her husband, and they had kids that clicked really well with mine. It was great!

    Here, it’s looking a little different and that’s ok. And also, being in that place of such homesickness has helped me be more aware of how others might be doing.

    • That’s been difficult for me. In Nashville, all of our friends were couple-friends. Here, Mr. V has his friends from school and I have my friends from elsewhere, and the two seem to have a hard time converging.

      Best wishes to you, too, on getting settled in friendships!

      (Also, I do better when I’m not pregnant, and I’ve been pregnant 1.5 of the 3 and some years we’ve lived here. I am a Crazy Lady when I am preggo …)

  2. Hey Jessie…So glad I stopped in from FMF. I’ve been where you are…in a new place and needing some heart-connections. It can be so hard. The first year I was in a new town (nine years ago, now) I didn’t even realize how badly I needed friends until I went to a MOPS group one day and went home crying. All those women who knew each other and I knew no one. I’m not from the area, have no family here and that first year was hard.
    But I have met the most amazing women over the last eight years and I know you will too! I have never been so rich in friends as I am here and it started just one friend at a time. God has a plan 🙂

  3. I’ve moved a lot as a kid and then some as an adult. I think it takes at least one year to find “your groove” and begin to develop friendships that may or may not work. I haven’t moved since having kids, but I think that could increase the time. Then, add having babies on top of that and moving into campus. You’ve got so much on your table. Glad friendships are starting to bloom!

  4. I’ve always lived in the same place, but I’ve had friends who have moved on. It’s very hard. I am thankful you are making friends! Have a blessed week!

  5. oh, i SO hear you on the difficulty of settling in a new city, and the loneliness of being between friends! my back-home friends are mostly in the same stage we are (toddlers & newborns), and my new-city friends are mostly single and working … i miss all the sharing and understanding, and it’s no fun being the only one whose house smells like potty training (ew!). but i’m thankful for friends, and so grateful for fellow moms wherever they are!
    i’m so happy i stumbled across your blog. i love your posts!

    • LOL at smelling like potty training. My problem has been that I can’t even seem to connect with other moms of young kids because everyone already has a support system. That’s frustrating! Thank you for the compliments.

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