Motherly Dichotomies

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I’ve spent some of tonight scrolling through some of my 2009 blog posts – when Libbie was my only child, just a baby, and I was a full-time working mom (and for a fall, a single mom while Mr. V was teaching in Chattanooga). It’s funny to me now how HARD I thought it was to have one baby who was in daycare. But when you’re there … it is hard. 

I can see Joshua, my third, pushing out of the baby stage now. And it’s hard! Still!

Thought you might enjoy this “rerun” from September 2009.

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For some reason I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that Libbie’s outgrown her 9-month clothes–and she’s 10 1/2 months!

I guess it’s the perpetual motherhood thing. Every time she gets bigger or does something new, it’s exciting. But it hurts a little. It will never be her first laugh, first smile, first solids ever again.

Perhaps this sudden realization on top of the fact that we’re now really weaned (as of yesterday) has just been too much.

I’m sure you understand if you have kids. You want them to grow, of course! But you miss the sweetness of days past. The tiny baby who would sleep on your chest for hours, solely nourished herself on your milk, and you weren’t worry would start climbing your bookcase the moment you turned your back.

I try to pull her to me and she pushes away. Too curious, too anxious to move on to the next thing. She pulls up on the coffee table, little cloth-diapered booty shaking up and down as she tries to steady herself. She loves to dance.

Before my eyes, she is more and more of a little girl and less of a baby. Soon she’ll be eating more real foods, walking, and talking. And then we’ll have new things to look forward to: her first “I love you, Mommy.” First steps. First birthday.

All I can do is love the now. Every moment. I didn’t want to put her to bed tonight even though she was SO tired. She was actually cuddling and giggling as we played our favorite “Ooh! Mommy stole your paci!” game and she got raspberries on her tummy. Those tired eyes peered at me with love, enjoyment at just playing with her mommy. On her lap, a safe place.

The now, it is good. No matter what size clothes she wears.

your life your blog

6 thoughts on “Motherly Dichotomies

  1. Hellloo?? Where have I been? I haven't seen your new header and I LOVE IT!! L.O.V.E.IT!!!

    And I deal with this phenomenon every day. And most days I deal with the fact of trying to remember it all and take it all in. And I get mad at myself for not photodocumenting every part of the day, etc. It's a vicous cycle. This darn motherhood. If it wasn't so fun.

  2. This is such a sweet post! It is such a dilemma. My baby is not quite 4 months old but I don't even think of him as a little baby. He's started scooting recently so I can't even leave him lying down by himself now. But, I know there are better things coming. Can't wait for some new "firsts." Enjoy each stage, right?!

  3. I totally hear you…I was at Babies R Us yesterday and saw all the My First Halloween clothes and My First Thanksgiving and had some pangs of sadness since there are no more holiday firsts for my daughter.

  4. Dichotomy is right :/ I want to know how they will grow up but I want them to stay tiny and innocent. Oh, and sweet smelling. I'd like them to stay sweet smelling forever 🙂

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