Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Not Coming.

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Once a week, Mr. V plays trivia with some of his friends from the school where we live. It’s one of those same bat time, same bat channel things. And for five school years, I’ve stayed home with the kids that night of the week. It’s fine – it’s his thing, not mine.

But it’s something he loves, and I enjoy the scattered times I’m able to go, too. We decided this summer we’d try to get a sitter who could come that night of the week. It’s worth the money for me to be with Mr. V in his element and get to hang out with some of our friends sans kiddos.

The last time we had the sitter was three weeks ago, due to her vacation and ours, and this week she was supposed to come.

For a variety of reasons, our wires got crossed and she didn’t. I didn’t know for certain that she wasn’t coming until the clock on the wall ticked past 7:15 and Mr. V finally thought to check his email.


Also at 7:15? Three tired children were having meltdowns as we tried to figure out what was going on and put them to bed. The baby was wailing, Libbie was screaming, dinner dishes were still on the table, reeking of salmon, and Mama had HAD IT. Then the baby decided to sit on my lap, yank off my earring, and bite me on the shoulder.

That is when I went and hid.

And cried.

Oh so many days I feel like I am not qualified for this parental position. I don’t like to play on the floor, I am really excited about my child going to kindergarten, and I hear myself and wonder, how did this get to be my life?

How am I the person who just said, “I didn’t know I had to tell you NOT TO RUN AROUND NAKED IN THE HALLWAY.” (That would be the hallway OUTSIDE our apartment.) Or, “Look, I found Finn McMistle and Jeff Gorvette!”


I love them so much it makes my heart feel like tissue paper, each hard word I say making it crumple. I just want to be fun and sweet and have everything be happiness and butterflies. But that’s not parenting.

Which is why sometimes Mama needs a night out. And having the exit ramp closed, having to retreat home … well, that can be enough to make a woman throw a temper tantrum.


7 thoughts on “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Not Coming.

  1. Oh, I would have cried, too! My parents are our babysitters. So, it’s rare that wires would get crossed. And, if one of them gets sick or something, the other steps in. In the RARE event that they both have something come up, my sister can typically step in and help. So… I actually haven’t experienced this. We don’t actually go out all that much, but I do realize how incredibly lucky we are when we do.

  2. Oh honey. I have had Tim take vacation time so that I can hide in my room and watch television uninterrupted while eating a piece of chocolate cake. Ok, 2 pieces of chocolate cake. Sometimes you want 2 hours to yourself so much that you’ll do just about anything to get it. Including sacrificing a vacation day. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, for sure! 🙂

    • I can imagine Mr V’s face if I asked him to take a vacation day. Ha. But he does have school breaks and all summer, so sometimes I can just run away or sit in my room and eat cake. 😉 Sadly it’s really hard to hide from the noise in our apartment, so truly escaping usually must involve going somewhere else.

  3. I had a hide-and-cry moment this week too. Of course, they found me (in the dark closet) but fortunately my husband led them away. My typical feeling in those moments is “I am unworthy of my children and this job of raising them.” Blessings to all us moms. We need it.

    • Yeah. That. —> “I am unworthy of my children and this job of raising them.”

      I had my mega I am doing an awful job meltdown last night. This happens every once in awhile. 🙁 I never know whether it’s the depression or just a part of parenting.

  4. Words of wisdom from my 43 year old first time mom daughter. A lady who could stare down executives and get her way. “This mother thing is REALLY REALLY HARD” Yup it is, and there will be times that going into the bathroom and locking the door is the best thing you can do right then. You are a good parent, you did the right thing you timed out yourself out and did not take it out on the children. That makes you a good MOM

  5. Sadly this my life as well only fast forward a few years jess.. with TEENAGERS 3 ALL GIRLS..ooohh the drama…I don’t feel like i can leave them because LORD KNOWS they would prolly follow go through their threat…which is UGH….My hubby just lets it all slide off his back…which OK just kills can he do this…but I wish sometimes I could do the same thing and just leave….I DO feel trapped sometimes….so i go cry in my little cramped craft room with my cats..& I feel judge by them if I am not feeding them or cleaning out their litter box crazy lady right???…sigh

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