When You Think You Are Too Much

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS
  • Pinterest

This post may contain affiliate links. Please see my Disclosure statement for more details.

In MOPS yesterday, we talked about the topic “Courage to Be Too Much.” Too much. Those are some loaded words for me. Upon hearing the topic, my first reaction was NO. Why would I want to be too much? 

But as our leader, Michelle, read the devotional from the book, I identified a little too much, tears running down my face. As the other girls listened politely, I tried to not shake with sobs.

Because, man, I feel like I am too much.

I’ve always felt not-normal. Now I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but when I was 12 and spontaneously burst into tears in choir class when I didn’t make All-County Chorus, I was beyond humiliated. I’ve always seemed to have more emotions than I can hold in one body.

I don’t have fears. I have things that bring on full-on panic when they cross my mind. When I feel joy, it is wonderful, and I remember those feelings a very long time. But I remember my lows, too. I remember pretty much every time I’ve ever said the wrong thing and hurt someone – on accident or not. I can find myself swimming in the guilt and shame of something that happened 15 or 20 years ago now.

Never a girl with lots of close friends, I’ve been thrilled to have one dear friend during every phase of my life. I’m too scared to unburden me on friends. Will they still love me if I truly expose the mess I am? If I cry way too early in our relationship? If I confess the depression journey and the foreclosure and the other reasons I carry around pain? What if she thinks I should feel more shame about these things I’ve become adjusted to and acquainted with?

Since I hit 30, I like to think I’ve become more accustomed to myself and more accepting of my own body, emotions, and life. I still feel like a mess. But I easily acknowledge that I am a mess and that most other people are, too. We just vary in our skill at hiding it; I have none.

And I’ve stopped trying to hide it at all. Nothing makes me feel more uncomfortable than trying to have a real conversation with someone whose life seems perfect. My tribe is women who will admit they struggle, they panic, they fear, they sometimes want to lock the door of the bathroom and eat a Snickers. We need truth. And we need each other.

There’s nothing worse than a world where you never hear, “Me too!”

There's nothing worse than a world where you never hear, "Me too!"

 

It takes courage to be OK with yourself. To be willing to be a “stranger and alien” in this world for your beliefs, or to accept your wild frizzy mess of hair and lack of style and say, I AM STILL A WONDERFUL PERSON. (And by your, I of course mean my.) It is brave to share your vulnerabilities with someone and face rejection. It is wise to let this happen gradually instead of with, say, the woman at the drive-thru window. But in order to hear, “me too,” you have to share some “me.”

Let’s go forth and be brave with our messy, lovely selves.

Share and Enjoy

4 thoughts on “When You Think You Are Too Much

  1. Love, love, love. I am a super-crier and very, very, bad at “faking it”. So people just have to take me or leave me! But I am at the place where I am ok with that. My biggest struggle is being too negative about the lows, letting them…take hold I guess. Thanks for sharing. This is so good!

  2. Years ago I read Stasi Eldredge’s book Captivating and was struck when she talked about the idea of women being “too much”-that society teaches us that we are simultaneously too much AND not enough. I found that very profound. I say…you’re exactly what you need to be. 🙂

  3. I know the feeling of being not normal and “too much.” I don’t show my emotions as quickly as I did before, but still find that I empathize easily- sometimes too much. I like the Dr. Seuss quote “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” I have found that is so true. The people who are really going to be your friends are going to take all of you, not just the parts they like. And they aren’t going to want you to pretend to be someone else. We all need those people in our lives, and I have been blessed with them. They help me not mind the others. 🙂

  4. Pingback: What I’m Reading — Just Jilly

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *