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Things I cried about yesterday:
- David starting kindergarten. (Just thinking about it. He still has about 2 1/2 weeks.)
- A sad part in Rilla of Ingleside.
- Wanting Chinese food for dinner.
- For sending my kids to bed early after they were being especially hooligan-like and disobedient.
- That we are going to have more kids than we can afford.
- That I may not be able to hold onto my sanity until the baby is born.
I feel absolutely enormous already. Mr. V says I just can’t remember the third trimester – it’s been 3 1/2 years since I was there with Joshua. I maintain I wasn’t as big with him (you can see my belly at 36 weeks in this post; I’m only 28 weeks right now). I have more time to think about being pregnant this time around, too; when I was pregnant with Joshua I had 4 and 2 year olds keeping me pretty busy 24/7.
Whether it’s memory loss or just that things are different, I am tiptoeing into the third trimester with some trepidation. This is my first pregnancy since Libbie that I haven’t been able to take my antidepressants (they make me wildly sick to my stomach for some reason), so I definitely feel less balanced – and that plus the lovely emotional turmoil and discomfort is a little frightening.
And yet, with baby four here, I am fairly positive I will make it through the next 12 or so weeks. I know I will be very uncomfortable, won’t be able to eat normally, will cry, and will want to sleep all the time. I am incredibly grateful that over the next few weeks, all three of our kids are going to be in school at least three days a week, so I will have time to get some much-needed rest. (And maybe do some cleaning and baby prep!) I am hoping and praying desperately that continuing in water aerobics and starting healthier will keep my back in check this time. I am giving myself a whole lot of grace and asking for help if I need it.
And I am enjoying those baby kicks. Because THIS IS THE LAST BABY. FOR REAL THIS TIME. 😉